The Flip Side

From the feedback I get, it seems as if people perceive me as a generally happy and upbeat person. That's a good thing, because I think it sucks when people come into your presence leaving you feeling worse than you did before they came. I would hope that I enrich lives more than I detract from them. I also notice that all of my posts so far have had an inspirational tone. That's ok too because that's a part of who I am. However, the truth of the matter is that I'm not always happy. Over the years one of my biggest pet peeves has been when people only see one aspect of who I am. I think that annoys everyone. With me the one that comes up the most is that I am somehow immune to pain, heartbreak, sadness, bad days, etc. I'm not.

Some days I just feel like......a lot of things I don't want to print in this space. Life is hard. There's no answer key. There's so many decisions to make with many of them leading to undesirable results. Bad stuff happens to good people for no reason. Good stuff happens to bad people. On a more personal level, there are challenges that each person faces. Some of them are public, but many of the most significant ones are personal. Often we interact with one another not noticing that many of us are carrying serious hurts in our souls. What feels probably the worst is when you're alone with yourself to face the parts of you that you don't like. I know what it feels like to be surrounded by the solitude of your own not-always-positive thoughts: What if I never fix (insert negative characteristic here)?How can I make (insert negative aspect of life) go away? What if I fail?

I hate feeling like you're not meeting your own expectations though others seem to be proud of what you've done. I hate when progress seems impossible yet people say "just keep pushing and you'll get there". I hate when everybody sees the hope and possibility that refuses to make itself visible to you. I hate feeling alone in a crowd. I hate insatiability.

I wish I had some type of anecdote or clever story to end this on a positive note. I don't. Life doesn't always end happily. Neither will this blog entry. Until next time....